Polite woman refuses to look after 96-year-old neighbor, after already having her 76-year-old mother live with her, she claims the elderly woman has other grandchildren and enough money for a caretaker: 'I'm not willing to give up any more time'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jul 5, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Helping out a neighbor now and then is completely fair. Helping out a 96-year-old lady who lives alone is even more expected. But taking on the role of the "always-at-your-service granddaughter" crosses that invisible line between the two houses.

The problem with doing a favor, and the reason many people hesitate before stepping in, is the unspoken, future expectations that often come with it.

Once you fix someone's iPhone, you're suddenly a technician. Once you help unpack her groceries, you're the new butler. Once you fish a piece of jewelry out of the pool? They might as well call you the poolman. Offer to water the plants on a random Tuesday afternoon, and congratulations, you're the new gardener! (Green does suit you, though!)

And all of these roles suddenly get added to your resume, yet the best part is still missing…the paycheck.

So when it comes to helping an elderly lady, the answer should absolutely be yes. But if she begins to demand the time you simply don't have, consider whether she might have a loving relative nearby, or help her connect with a professional caretaker if she can afford one. I mean, with all that money she's saving thanks to your many favors, it shouldn't be a problem…

Advertisement

  • After already looking after her senior mother, this woman feels as though she lacks the capacity to be able to help out someone else. Yet, when her hesitation is met with attitude and high expectations from her elderly neighbor, she’s left feeling a mixture of guilt, paired with irritation. She's not her granddaughter, and she is helping her out as a favor, so it would be a very entitled thing to expect this already-friendly woman to go over and above her contributions.

  • 01
    "I go over for this, and the next thing you know, I'm changing| lightbulbs and cleaning her pool filter"
    via gettyimagespro

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for not helping the lady across the street?

    AITA My Mom who is 76, lives with me so I already have one little old lady to look after. I also have a demanding full time career and make time for the gym
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 03
    and stuff I love. The woman across the street is 96, and really needy. She hits my Mom up for things all the time, rides to the grocery store, rides to the bank,
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 04
    hair salon, etc... when my Mom can't help her she gets kid of salty. I have helped her out before with stuff, because my Mother volunteers me without
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 05
    asking me. And it's just inconvenient and something I dont want to do. She messed her cellphone up tonight and my Mom says to me, just go over there and fix it for her. I told her
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 06
    flat out no, I didn't want to. Im not IT tech support, Im tired, and its about to rain. Am I ana hle for drawing this boundary? I feel like I give a lot of myself to be
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 07
    1245
    via sydaproductions

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    there for my dear Mama, Im not really willing to give up anymore time. I go over for this, and the next thing you know Im changing
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 09
    lightbulbs and cleaning her pool filter. She has money, she has family... am I in the wrong and just being selfish?
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 10
    Update: gave her a call this am to check on her and she got it figured out. Was going to run over there this am when Im full of
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 11
    energy. We talked for a few minutes and she does have someone who comes and helps her out a few times a week. She has a son who lives close by, and
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 12
    a grandson who adores her and here all the time. The problem is, when she wants something done, she wants it done right then and there. And what I mean by "kind
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 13
    of salty"... if my Mom tells her she can't do something, she will huff and straight up hang up! Thats just ride I dont care how old you are. But I really appreciate all your feedback! I have a propensity
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 14
    towards feeling guilt for no reason so I really do thank you all even the ones that think Im an AH, lol... Thank you for sharing your opinion.
    via Inner_Signal_7068
  • 15
    QueenofNighshade NTA If she can't take care of herself then it's time to look into a home or if she has money, she can pay someone to take care of her.
    via QueenofNighshade
  • 16
    Wise_Session_5370 NTA. You are not an unpaid servant.
    via Wise_Session_5370
  • 17
    welltravelledRN NTA but I just wish people would be kinder overall, it's so easy. It would t have taken you very long and made her day better.
    via welltravelledRN
  • 18
    Delicious-Ad-2671 I guess I'm the only one that thinks you're the AH, just remember that you reap what you sow
    via Delicious-Ad-2671
  • 19
    Kooky-Perception-871 There are nursing agencies like I used to work for you can hire someone for 4 hours a day three or four times a week. Since she has money. These people run errands we'll try for anywhere she
    via Kooky-Perception-871
  • 20
    wants to go can cook for her whatever she needs. Have a talk with her see if you can call someone for her that would be nice of you.
    via Kooky-Perception-871
  • 21
    Neverenoughnapkins I think it's your mom volunteering you that is the problem. When my kid was starting to do more with friends we went through a phase where they
    via Neverenoughnapkins
  • 22
    would volunteer me to drive their friends around. I finally had to get firm and say I would never drive if they didn't start asking me privately first.
    via Neverenoughnapkins

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

caregiver assistance neighbors favor care mother helpful help old lady wealthy old people grandparents friendly grandson reddit thread Reddit
Scroll Down For The Next Article